Epic mommy issues
September 2nd, 2012 (09:47 am)
I'm seriously sick of my mum at this stage. seriously. It's just ridiculous how much she absolutely refuses to listen to me.
Just a reminder, I'm 19, unemployed, starting college and completely dependent on her for everything I need, bar the odd bits Robert (my boyfriend) picks up for me. Robert absolutely hates her for so many reasons. In his opinion, she refuses to show him any respect whatsoever, he feels that she always has a problem anytime I want to do something and he's involved, she seems to invest no trust in me whatsoever. She's blunt, often to the point of being callous, and most of her remarks are demeaning or sarcastic, and he hates that.
Last night was Saturday. Every Saturday night I have the intention of staying over at Roberts house, because we usually only get to properly spend Sundays together. Of course, being the fucking whipped daughter I am, at 19 I'm still asking for permission to stay over at his. She was a young mother. When she was just 19 or 20, I was born. So she's constantly suspicious that I'll go over to his and come back pregnant. I've asked her to trust me and she claims she does, but every single week I get the lecture about coming back pregnant. And every single week it leaves me hurt and Robert insulted. We might be young, but we're trying to be as safe as possible if and when sex does happen. I'm organising a doctors appointment for wednesday to talk about other contraceptives.
I DON'T WANT THE PILL. I will never remember to take it every single day, and my female vanity fears it'll affect what good looks I have. Apparently the pill can cause acne and weight gain and obviously I don't want them, especially not the weight gain, I'm the perfect weight for my sparring category in tkd.
I need to talk to the doctor about it, without my mother there. She'll only make me feel selfconscious, nervous and completely stupid for being there, and I have visions of what'll happen.
I smile at the nurse and continue past, following my mother into the doctor's office. I sit in the chair as he asks what he can do for me. All eyes are on me. I shoot a glance at my mother and then the doctor armed open my mouth to speak. "She's thinking about the pill," my mother speaks for me. So apparently I'm a ventriloquist now and my mother can speak for me. When did that happen? and sheepish words from me will happen, apparently too retarded or inept to talk myself and suddenly I'm leaving the doctor's completely unsatisfied with a smug mother and a prescription I don't WANT.
She speaks for me like I'm a child. The other day I went for lunch with her. We both got soup, mine was cold. The waitress brought two glasses of water down and just as I was about to ask could I get it reheated my mother butts in and says it. and quite frankly I'm getting sick of it :-(
For college I plan to live at home and drive up. I've applied for a grant and it seems I'm entitled to get it. but apparently if I do get it, I won't get it at all. the other day she dropped a lovely little bombshell on me. "I hope you know that when the grant goes through you're giving it all to me." and of course she expects me to just say fine and hand her all of my grant money. Like, I have no problem giving her some, like if I'm entitled to 250 a month (which I'm prolly not) give her a good 50-100. Really, that's no problem, but the whole lot? Why don't you just put a collar on my neck, it'd serve the same purpose. I want to have some independence, rather than having to beg every time I want some money for something. And yes, I'm aware she had to pay for all of my college fees and buy me a car and insure it, but it seems like most people's parents did that unless there's an extraordinary situation. the car and insurance together cost 2000, and tax is only 86. I know petrol is expensive, but it won't cost me 2000 over the year. One of my friends is paying 4000 altogether for accommodation above in college. Over the year I'll still have to pay for tkd, phone credit and other little things, which I won't even be able to do because I won't see my grant money. Any time I'll want money for something I'll have to ask her, and then I get a lecture about how she has practically no money. it makes me sick.
I can't even go into what happened last night with her, because really I'm sick of it by now. I'm 19. I shouldn't have to feel like I'm a bad guy everytime I want to stay over in my boyfriend's house or need money.
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